INTERPERSONAL
SKILLS
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Social
intercourse is a two way street. Make sure you are driving on the right
side."
-
Bryce's Law
INTRODUCTION
Interpersonal
skills deal with the interpersonal relationships and exchanges. People engage
in conversation and correspondence, exchanging information, ideas, and opinions
on topics relating to their experience and interests for example, current
study, future plans, leisure-time activities.
People engage in
oral and written exchanges related to sharing experiences and problems, gaining
information and knowledge, solving problems, making arrangements, etc.
Some of the
formal interpersonal skills are Greeting,
Enquiring, Answering, Complementing etc.
1. GREET SOMEONE
Nobody wants to
feel unwelcome or unappreciated. If they do, they will feel like outcasts and
less likely to help you with something. The
objective of greeting is to make people feel at home. This can be
accomplished with a simple greeting or a firm handshake while looking at the
person directly in the eyes.
Say a Hello, utter a How are you, ask a How do
you do?
It is easy to
detect when a greeting is sincere or routine. Your goal is to appear genuinely
concerned about the person. This can be achieved by
- Complimenting
on some personal attribute of the person (e.g., clothes, hair, car).
- Inquiring about
a person's family (e.g., birthday observed, anniversary, graduation, pets,
health, etc.)
- Asking about an
event the person recently experienced (e.g., attendance at an event,
participation in a volunteer organization/charity, a new job or project
assignment, etc.),
- Commenting on
something newsworthy - community, sports, weather ("What did you think
about...?")
Such greetings are an expression of your interest in the
person.
Too often greetings become routine and, as such, less credible. Try to break it
up.
A good, basic
greeting can work wonders in building cooperation between people.
2. ENGAGE IN A
CONVERSATION (Enquiring)
People have a
natural curiosity as to what you are all about. The best way to communicate
this is to engage in simple conversation. Some people are naturally shy and
tend to withdraw from such discourse. If one person is not willing to start a
conversation, another should take the initiative simply by asking the other, "How
are you?" or "What do you think?"
A good icebreaker is to tell a joke. But try to exercise good judgment and
taste in your humor. Avoid slang and offensive remarks unless the occasion
calls for it. Goodhearted kidding and teasing is fine, as long as it doesn't
turn malicious.
If you are not
adept at telling jokes, tell a story about some recent event that happened to
you. But don't ramble. Stay focused and be sure your story has a point to it.
A conversation is a two-way street, regardless if it is
humorous or serious in tone. Look interested, stay focused, and ask questions. Also be careful
not to dominate a conversation unless that is your intention. If you have a
tendency to monopolize a conversation, people will be less likely to engage in
conversation with you.
Enquire about
personal interests but don’t enquire about his personal life unless you think
you have something to do – you could help the person come out of his personal
problem, you could make him light by way of sharing etc.
3. VOLUNTEER
Many people
prefer to sit back and watch as others perform the work. Volunteering your time or skills may add an additional
burden but it tells others you believe in them and are willing to help out. Such an
expression also makes it easy for you to solicit support when you are in need
of help.
4. ASK FOR ADVICE
Too often people
are too proud (or too stubborn) to ask for directions in our journey through
life. But asking for advice from a colleague accomplishes two things: first,
you might get the answer you seek, and; second, it says to the person you trust
and respect their opinion. By confiding in an individual, the advisor becomes
concerned with your best interests. This leads to mutual trust and respect
between people.
When you are
asked to offer advice to another, be
as articulate and rational as possible. If you do not know the correct answer, do not
fabricate advice or mislead the person. This will only shatter the person's
trust in you. Instead, point him in another direction where he might find the
answer he is seeking.
5. NETWORK
It seems
participation among people in groups and volunteer organizations today are
dwindling. This is surprising since such groups provide a convenient vehicle to
meet and exchange ideas with your peers. Such forums are useful:
○ To exercise our
basic social skills.
○ To stay abreast
of current developments in our field of interest.
○ To establish
relationships with people who possess different skills and knowledge that can
help us.
Instead of resisting networking with
others, the younger generation should embrace it. Regardless of the group
dynamics involved, such forums help to improve ourselves personally and
professionally.
6. TURN OPPONENTS
INTO PROPONENTS
Today we live in
a competitive society (some prefer the expression "a dog-eat-dog world").
I guess this is somewhat natural. There is nothing wrong with some friendly
competition; it is when it turns vicious, thereby turning competitors into
enemies that you have to be careful. To overcome this problem, be gracious in
defeat and magnanimous in victory.
For example Abraham Lincoln, after losing earlier political campaigns, would stun
his opponents by appearing at their victory celebrations and offering a sincere
hand of congratulations and support. Because of this, his early opponents
became his proponents later on. After winning the presidential campaign of 1860
he again stunned his opponents by offering them seats in his cabinet. These
former opponents became his closest confidants during the dark days of the
American Civil War.
It is one thing
to go into a contest confidently; it is quite another to go in with a chip on
your shoulder, thereby inviting trouble. Take disagreements in stride and pick
your fights carefully. Ask yourself if it is really necessary to create an
enemy at this point in your career.
7. BE COURTEOUS (Complementing)
Your manners and
how you interact with others says a lot about a person's character. Basic
courtesy means you are socially well adjusted. Small details can have a
dramatic effect. For example:
○ A simple Thank
You note will be remembered for a service rendered.
○ Invite others to
participate in events. Again, a personal note can work wonders and makes people
feel wanted. If you stumble over an omission on your invitation list (which
inevitably happens), move swiftly to correct the omission. Include people,
don't exclude them, let them know their presence has meaning to you.
Above all else,
watch your temper. As the old adage admonishes us, "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." A little courtesy can go a long way towards building fruitful
relationships.
